Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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