awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
