Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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