Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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