Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
