my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
