hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
