And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
