id be glad to
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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