i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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