I am puke
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
