Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
