Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
