is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
