Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
