I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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