i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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