its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
