he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
