11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
