And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
