i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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