i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
