hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
