You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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