did you get engaged???
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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