No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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