i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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