Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
