i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
