i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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