You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
