You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
