Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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