im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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