i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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