Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
