it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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