Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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