i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
