and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
