UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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