she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
