Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
