I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
