I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
