Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
