Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
