At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
