It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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